Counselling Resource

Being silent is not being strong

2012-03-02T11:10:00.002Z

Over the years I have often reflected that in my practice I see more women them men, when I do work with men sometimes I find myself working with the clients presenting issues but also with a societal ‘norm ‘ that although fading still pervades ,that ‘men are strong’.

In other words the shame of not being ‘tough enough’ or ‘manly enough’ and that attending counselling is a bit of a ‘failure’...... which it isn't , quite the opposite .

Which is why I am pleased that I came across the CALM project, an organisation set up to reduce suicide rates in men under 35.

The statics behind the project are very stark, in 2010 75% of suicides in the UK were men and that “suicide is the biggest killer young men in the UK”.

The organisation has a free confidential help line offering support, help and advice to anyone regardless of age gender or sexuality,

Supported by one of the founding fathers of the madchester music scene the late Tony Wilson , CALM draws on Manchester’s rich musical tradition with the release of their charity album 31 Songs featuring Elbow , I am Kloot, as well as Noel Gallagher high flying birds as well a 27 other artists

All proceeds go directly to CALM to combat the high suicide rates amongst young men.

Talk to CALM

The helpline is open 5pm-midnight on Sat, Sun, Mon and Tues, every week of the year.

Call 0808 802 5858 within London – or if you’re outside London call 0800 585858. It’s free, confidential and anonymous.

Text 07537 404717, start your first text ‘CALM1’ (service only available within London, until we get more funding). We don’t charge, but your network might.

For more info, get in touch with CALM today
Join the buzz on www.facebook.com/theCALMzone and www.twitter.com/theCALMzone

Email info@theCALMzone.net

Web http://www.thecalmzone.net/what-is-calm/

Write to CALM, PO Box 68766, London SE1P 4JZ

Or call CALM’s London office on 0203 142 6213.

Noel Gallagher donates this song which appears on the album 31 Songs

2012-02-13T17:16:00.000Z

Breaking News..

Bob Cooke talks about about Transactional Analysis

I am delighted to announce that Counselling Resourcehas embarked on a creative collaboration with TheManchester Institute For Psychotherapy on the design of a new YouTube channelcalled TA Therapy which will showcase practice based video content and updates fromthe organisations wide range ofcontinuing professional development courses as well as coverage from seminarsand conferences.

MIP is a well known and well respected trainingprovider and therapy centre based in Chorlton , Manchester. Established in 1987 and headed by clinicaldirector Bob Cooke, MIP has a well deserved reputation for delivering high qualityAccredited Transactional Analysis training and CPD courses as well as being atherapy centre in its own right.

In the coming months TA Therapy will bepopulated with original content, in the meantime why not visit MIP’s existing YouTubesite here to see BobCooke in practice.

Rory Lees-Oakes

Counselling Resource

Please click the links below to see thewide ranging activities of Bob Cooke and MIP,

www.therapyresearch.co.uk

www.therapyvideos.co.uk

www.bobcooke.org

www.psychotherapyconferences.co.uk

www.lowcosttherapy.net

www.supervisionconsultancy.com

Bonkers Bruno,,,,,

2012-02-10T16:34:00.012Z

It’s time to talk........

Perhaps one of the saddest and most misguided headlines ever published was the Sun Newspapers coverage in 2003 of boxer Frank Bruno’s struggle with mental illness.

Under the front page headline “Bonkers Bruno Locked Up“ the article (sic) went on to describe him as a “Nutter “ who was now “Locked up in a mental hospital”.

The then editor of Sun Rebekah Wade found herself ‘on the ropes ‘as mental health charities such as Sane described the coverage as an "insult" to Bruno and to others suffering from mental illness, other mental heath charities described the coverage as “disgusting“. Eventually News International, the papers owners ‘threw in the towel’ donating £10,000 to charity as well as offering an apology .

The reason for bringing this to your attention is that although attitudes to mental health are changing for the better , mention the words “Paranoid Schizophrenic “ and most people will think of the axe wielding character played by Jack Nicholson in the film, ‘The Shining’. Truth is the understanding of the individual behind the diagnosis is still covered in shame, fear and blinded by stereotypical ignorance.

Get used to the fact that we all have “ mental health” it is on a sliding scale from the very well to the very unwell and every day we wake up we are on one part of the scale or another .

The ‘Time To Change' campaign, which has been running infomercials on UK TV for some time, is trying to educate the general public on mental health and in particular how to engage with an individual who is undergoing or is in recovery from mental illness, which will affect 1 in 4 of us through our life time, regardless of race, colour, sexuality or social mobility.

So next time you meet someone who you know is having or as had a difficult time with their mental health ask them how they are, ask them as you would if you were enquiring about say a broken leg or a dose of the flu because.....

It’s time to change !

Frank Bruno speaks about his experiences of mental health , very touching ,.

If you are having difficulties with your mental heath and and need support contact your doctor or use the links below to find out a charity in your area that can help:-

http://time-to-change.org.uk/

http://www.youtube.com/user/ttcnow2008

http://www.sane.org.uk/

http://www.mind.org.uk/

http://www.rethink.org/

http://www.comicrelief.com/news/2011-10/%C2%A320-million-fight-mental-health-stigma

http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinfoforall/problems/schizophrenia/schizophrenia.aspx

Mindfulness

2012-02-05T21:36:00.004Z

Hole in my world

As a therapist I am interested in how humans access their ‘inner world’, the exploration of self that asks the fundamental questions of existence – “Who am I? Why am I here? ”.

My interest isn’t just professional; I have asked myself the same questions many times on my journey through the path of life.

Recently I have become more aware of the immediacy of my environment and my connection to it, I find that being in close proximity to natural forms in nature such as water, trees, rocks and soil increases my well-being and incites permission to leave the external world behind, leading me to a inner place that lives in a series of ‘precise’ moments with no reference to the past or link to the future.

To aid this process I have been embarking on what I would describe as ‘Mindfulness imaging’ trying to capture this sense of disconnection through the medium of photography.

The image on the right is titled ‘Hole In My World’ and is one of many abstract images that I have taken over the last few years.

DSM V

2012-01-30T20:35:00.008Z

DSM V

To psychiatric clinicians the DSM or Diagnostic Statistical Manual is an essential tool in the diagnosis and treatment of psychiatric disorders such as schizophrenia or behavioural difficulties such as eating or personality disorders.

First published in 1952, by the American Psychiatric Association, the manual is due for its fifth revision in 2013, however not everyone involved in the world of mental health is welcoming this latest edition, with some dissenters coming from the very establishment it was meant to serve.

One such voice comes from the British Psychological Society who state in a response to the American Psychiatric Association :

“The Society is concerned that clients and the general public are negatively affected by the continued and continuous medicalisation of their natural and normal responses to their experiences; responses which undoubtedly have distressing consequences which demand helping responses, but which do not reflect illnesses so much as normal individual variation.” (1)

In an open letter to the DSM5 Task force, the Society for Humanistic Psychology,( a division of the American Psychological Association ) raised question regarding the lowering of diagnostic thresholds “ (2) Which may artificially inflate the prevalence on numerous disorders”.

In other words widening the net on what clinicians can diagnose as a mental disorder, the main concern of both organizations is that the wider range of ‘normal human behavior ‘ could be stigmatized as a mental health problem”

Considering DSM’s history of stigmatizing Homosexuality, (its inclusion as a mental disorder was first re-categorized in 1973 as , ego-dystonic homosexuality (3) before being removed completely from DSM’S third edition in 1980). It is small wonder that thinkers in the field are concerned that a wider range of human behavior could be classified as a mental disorder.

Perhaps one of the most pointed arguments against DSM is that of it‘s biological roots or treatment by medication, as someone who was employed as a support worker in the field of mental health I can say that some of my ex clients seemed to benefit from psychiatric medication, however I do wonder at the over exuberance of some physicians to prescribe when talking therapies or just talking to someone may be of more help and support.

I also find it slightly sinister that a group of individuals can decide what constitutes mental disorder and what can be considered “normal” .

For example in her book ‘Why We Lie’, Dorothy Rowe a well known psychotherapist and author cites the case of Dr Richard Gardner an America psychiatrist who published a paper on PAS (parental alienation syndrome,) were a child may become abusive to parents who are splitting up.

Gardner lobbied for PAS to be included in DSM IV however it was rejected, as Rowe points out children becoming angry at parents who are separating is a “normal’ reaction which does not warrant a psychiatric diagnosis.

As a counselor I have worked with lots of clients who have had diagnosed disorders , one case that comes to mind was man in his mid twenties who had been diagnosed with “ verbal dyslexia” referred to as aphasia(4) in the DSM IV.

He told me that he had a domineering mother who was prone to irrational emotional outbursts to both his father and himself , consequently the father would encourage him to lie to his mother about any issue that would upset her, the manta was ‘don’t tell your mother’.

Consequently my client fell into a pattern of behavior that meant that he would go out of his way to avoid any truth that may even slightly upset anyone, the impact on this was that when he tried to speak he was so afraid of upsetting anyone that he literally became lost for words.

However after about three sessions his difficulties in communicating with me seemed to ebb, and we looked at the consequences of telling the truth, how it could be phrased and whether it was worth struggling through life trying not to upset anyone.

I don't know how my client fared in the wider world, I do know that by the end of therapy his communication with me was fluid and he told me that his relationship with others was improving,though notably not with his parents who seemed to be having a little disharmony in the relationship when Mr and Mrs truth came to visit!

I also wonder what the clinician who made the diagnosis no doubt from DSM thought about my clients ‘recovery’.

The psychologist Carl Rogers shifted from clinician to counselor writing;

"...In my early professionals years I was asking the question: How can I treat, or cure, or change this person? Now I would phrase the question in this way: How can I provide a relationship which this person may use for his own personal growth?"

-- Carl Rogers, On Becoming a Person

While Rogers had some well documented setbacks on the road to developing the Client Centered Approach ( Google Rogers+ Psych project + Wisconsin) his approach normalized individual behavior not categorized it.

This is an important point as it gave permission for individuals to consider their own individuality, and how to live on their terms , something that you will not find in the pages of DSM....

References

(1) http://apps.bps.org.uk/_publicationfiles/consultation-responses /DSM-5%202011%20-%20BPS%20response.pdf Accessed 30th of January 2012

(2) http://societyforhumanisticpsychology.blogspot.com/2011/11/response-to-letter-from-dsm-5-task.html Accessed 30th of January 2012

(3) http://psychology.ucdavis.edu/rainbow/html/facts_mental_health.html Accessed 30th of January 2012

(4) Aphasia can also be a result of a stroke or brain damage

The road to rights

2012-01-22T19:02:00.001Z

In a week that has seen three men convicted of ‘inciting hatred on the grounds of sexuality’ by way of distributing leaflets promoting the ‘Death penalty for homosexuality’ it seems that the law at long last has ‘woken up’.

The term homophobia was first coined by George Weinberg, a psychologist, in the 1960’s, the term is defined by the Oxford dictionaries as ‘an extreme and irrational aversion to homosexuality and homosexual people’.

And we don’t need a dictionary to define the words ‘extreme’ and ‘irrational’ do we?

A friend of mine ‘Joel ‘ once said to me “if I could change my sexuality do you think I would put up with all the crap I get from idiots who think it is ok to beat me up and abuse me because of a part of who I am ?”

Quite .....

I found the video below quite touching and thought provoking.

Idiosyncratic empathy

2012-01-09T21:04:00.000Z

What is idiosyncratic empathy?

Listen to my views on how it is used and its importance in the therapeutic relationship to both client and counsellor.

Download my podcast HERE

References

http://books.google.co.uk/books?id=ALHbbmFWKGUC&pg=PA22&lpg=PA22&dq=idiosyncratic+empathy&source=bl&ots=ZLbX1xj_Pi&sig=FdpHVJ2fYgAA1knf7l-gS-g7tE0&hl=en&sa=X&ei=7UYLT9e7GcXG8gPxyNTTAQ&ved=0CFUQ6AEwBw#v=onepage&q=idiosyncratic%20empathy&f=false

http://www.pccs-books.co.uk/pdf/Idiopc1.pdf

http://maureen.ohara.net/pubs/Relational%20Empathy.pdf

Key extracts ( link to word document )

Seasons greetings and self care

2011-12-21T18:57:00.000Z

Hello

This year I am having a break, no books, research, or the launching of YouTube sites!!, I am going to get as far away from counselling as I can get.....

Occasionally I meet my first counselling tutor, she lives across the valley from me, I bump in to her at the local coffee shop.

She is an artist and over Coffee and Earl Grey tea, we talk about life, art, the state of the world, but hardly ever counselling. The reason for our avoidance of a subject that binds us is that we both know that having an ‘outside life’ is essential to maintain a healthy psyche.

Many years ago while teaching a level 2 group, one learner asked me “are you always counselling people” I replied that I am only a counsellor when the need arises and I try to build separation between my professional and private life, at which point she became very defensive and said “ I think you are a bit harsh , my friend is a counsellor and she is always helping people” before adding without a hint of irony “ mind you she has had a couple of nervous breakdowns”.

Quite .......

So in the spirit of self care, I have compiled a list of ‘Tea rooms’ * , nestled in the Pennines * which we will be visiting at the end of lovely winter walks ..... nirvana !!

So whatever your faith position or geographical place in the world, I wish you a peaceful end to 2011, because we to are important !

Sayonara...... see you in 2012

Rory

*For our international readership :-

Tea Room refers to a small shop which sells tea and cakes which are consumed on the premises. Popular in the North of England Tea rooms can trace their history back to the temperance movement of the 1900s ,where churches and other organisations promoted tea dinking over the consumption of alcohol. Thomas Cooke, whose name is linked to a travel agency, was one of the first individuals to provide tours to tearooms on trains and coaches.

Pennines is the name given to a group of hills and villages situate in the north of England .

What is person centred therapy ?

2011-12-09T12:13:00.001Z

What is Person Centred therapy?

In this podcast I try to explore the different perspectives of ‘Person Centred Therapy’ and how it has developed.

It can be downloaded here

New TV channel launch

2011-12-01T22:15:00.000Z

I am pleased to announce the launch in January 2012 of ‘Psychology Central’ a YouTube channel hosted on counsellingtv which will be dedicated to support learning on BTEC ,HNC, HND and ACCESS TO HIGHER EDUCATION course units in psychology.

Click here to visit the site ( don’t forget to bookmark it !!)

Class of 2011 -Graduation

2011-11-25T15:38:00.000Z

On November the 3rd 2011, I had the privilege of watching my former students graduate at the Warrington Collegiate annual HE awards ceremony at St Elphins Church, Warrington.

Please listen to the Audio-Cast above to hear my thoughts of the wonderful occasion.

Dress code for counsellors ?

2011-11-19T16:47:00.000Z

Welcome to my podcast blog !

After reading this article In Therapy Today online, I have posted a podcast on my thoughts regarding dress code for counselors and clients perceptions.

Listen to podcast HERE

What do you think ?

Do you have any strong feelings about this ?

Please post your responses in the comments section .

Live Residential blog

2011-11-13T14:06:00.001Z

Just a quick blog from the level 3 counselling students residential here in Whaley Bridge Derbyshire.

All students on counselling courses undertake a residential weekend to help with self reflection and personal development.

Lots of experiential learning in a beautiful setting.

The first picture is a group photo of the students and tutor.

The second pictures is from the Todbrook Reservoir at the bottom of the drive ,near the venue.

I have been told this is the last sailing day before winter.

Learners group picture

Last sailing day at Todbrook Reservoir

Soldiers heart’.

2011-11-11T15:52:00.002Z

Most Fridays at around 11 am I can be found in my favourite tea room, sipping Earl Grey and delighting in a Garibaldi biscuit, the only pressing concern, when to order my next pot of tea and ‘mmmm those bourbons look nice’.

Today however was different, at 11 O’clock the tea room fell silent as the radio in the corner played the bells that signaled the beginning of the two minute silence marking Armistice, an opportunity for us to remember those who have given their lives in war.

I was surrounded by individuals who were deep in reflection, when the radio came on again, it was noticeable that the energy in the room prior to the silence had ebbed away; clearly the event had left it mark.

I declined a refill of tea and walked home to write this blog, which brings me to the title, ‘Soldiers heart’.

The term was first coined in the American Civil War (1) every generation of solders had their own terms , in WW1 is was called Shell Shock (2) , American servicemen returning from the Pacific after WWII called it ‘Going Asian’(2).

In 1980 the term Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD (3) entered the language after physicians treating American Soldiers who had returned from Vietnam with psychological problems noticed a connection between the extreme fear or stress of battle and a cluster of symptoms that psychologically affected individuals after the event, these include:-

Re-experiencing

Flashbacks of the event , nightmares, reliving distressing images or sensations.

Avoidance

Avoiding any situations or people that might trigger flashbacks

Hyper vigilance

Being consistently 'on guard', not being able to sleep

Emotional Numbing

Isolating ones self, trying not to feel , hiding away.

Other symptoms include depression, alcohol and drug misuse, chest pains diziness and nausia.
Most striking is the number of ex military personal in prison or homeless in 2009 the Telegraph newspaper reported that 'more than 20,000 former servicemen are in prison or on probation or parole’(4) the figures were gained from a report by published NAPO ( national association of probation officers).

A recent survey by the Charity Shelter and the Ministry of defense (5) showed that 1 in 10 homeless people are ex service personal.

One of the contributing factors to both homelessness and crime is amongst ex service personal is PTSD.

So perhaps it is not surprising that as I sat in the tea room, in those two minutes of reflection, I thought not only of those who had died, but those who are still fighting their war long after the battle is over.

‘Lest we forget’.

References
https://ihcenter.org/projects/soldiersheart (1)
http://www.gowarriorsproject.org/misc-entries/-soldier-s-heart-or-civil-war-ptsd (2)
http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Post-traumatic-stress-disorder/Pages/Introduction.aspx (3)
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/law-and-order/6229067/Twenty-thousand-servicemen-in-prison-on-probation-or-parole.html (4)
http://honourourwounded.co.uk/CustomContentRetrieve.aspx?ID=1145647 http://honourourwounded.co.uk/CustomContentRetrieve.aspx?ID=1145647 (5)

http://www.veterans-uk.info/homelessness/ex_serv.html
http://society.guardian.co.uk/gall/0,,1475566,00.html

Empathy

2011-11-04T18:48:00.000Z

Walking in someone else's shoes

I recently read a news article on the subject of empathy, It was describing research carried out by Dr.Simon Baron-Cohen, the cousin of actor Sasha who reported that generally, women demonstrate empathy to a higher degree than men.

Empathy is defined by Oxford Dictionaries as :-

“The ability to understand and share the feelings of another”.

The empathy debate is complex some researchers say it has a genetic component, while others believe it to be the ‘nurtured’ side of our personality developed by parents.

Did you know we have two types of empathy?

Cognitive empathy is the ability to perceive what another person is thinking. "he must be telling herself this was a mistake."

Affective empathy is the ability to sense what another person is emotionally experiencing. "She must be feeling upset about this mistake."

There are many ways of developing empathy , for instance listening to different types of music can help you develop 'Affective' empathy'

A good way of developing ''Cognative empathy'' is to try to put yourself in someone else's shoes. ie how may THEY be thinking in a certain situation

Carl Rogers described empathy as :-

"An empathic way of being with another person has several facets. It means entering the private perceptual world of the other and becoming thoroughly at home in it. It involves being sensitive, moment to moment, to the changing felt meanings which flow in this other person, to the fear or rage or tenderness or confusion or whatever he or she is experiencing. It means temporarily living in the other's life”

Carl Rogers - A way of being

Supervision

2011-10-24T20:04:00.000+01:00

Video blog time!!!

I thought I would link two videos together; one is a direct to camera piece where I ‘reveal’ myself to my blog followers as I explain how to approach finding a supervisor for those new to counselling practice.

The other is an existing presentation on http://www.youtube.com/user/CounsellingResource ‘AKA’ ‘The Counselling Resource Channel’ in which I narrate the the theory of counselling supervision.

I hope you enjoy it !!

Followed By :-

The Death Of You And Me

2011-10-21T11:45:00.000+01:00

Better than sex ?

‘The Death of You and Me ‘is the forth track on Noel Gallagher’s latest album ‘High Flying Birds’, I know this because I have the album on my smart phone which I carry on my belt during the day.

My reason for bringing this to your attention is the theme of this post is our relationships with technology , social interaction and addiction, the latter which is defined by the Merriam- Webster dictionary as:-

”compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance (as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal”

So let me ask these questions –

Could you leave your phone at home for a day? ,

How would it feel?

Could you do it ?

It is becoming apparent to me that addictive phone usage is on the rise, I see people clutching Blackberries and I Phones like their very life depends on them, carrying a mobile phone has replaced carrying a packet of cigarettes, a quick text has replaced a quick drag.

Recently I was approached in the college car park by a young man who asked “Can I borrow some of your credit? “, twenty years ago the same interaction may have been “Can you lend me a cigarette?” .

Before the smoking ban in public places, it was common to see in pubs and clubs cigarette packets on tables marking the territory of the person sitting behind it, nowadays the territory is marked by mobile phones.

Basically phone credit is the new nicotine .....

In my experience two things damage relationships, infidelity and indifference; nothing sums this up more than trying to build a personal relationship with someone who is more interested in texting than focusing on what I have to say ,the feeling of dismissal is huge, the sense of disrespect immense, it’s the electronic equivalent of having smoke blown in my face.

And when that happens as Noel Gallagher so aptly points out, Is the death of you and me....

The omnipitent counsellor (2)

2011-10-14T12:25:00.000+01:00

This is an occasional series of post's highlighting the kind of questions I get asked or interactions I have with people who project on to me more power ( read super powers) than I have or would want !
~

I was recently asked to be a guest speaker by one of my colleagues who teaches a Level 3 child care class. She wanted me to wax lyrical about Carl Rogers theories and offered me free tea for a week as an incentive to go.

Free tea and talk to my hearts content about Rogers .... what time do you want me to turn up !!

So dear reader , I found myself stood in front of 12 sixteen year old childcare students. PowerPoint at the ready, I started to speak , introducing myself as a counsellor/psychotherapist who practices in the person centered model that Rogers developed and that I teach the model to students in the college who undertake counseling courses.

At which point the overhead projector and screen started flashing on and off like a 1970's disco light.

So I decided to improvise, unscripted I gave a virtuoso performance of Rogers Ideas , my performance would have rivaled Gielgud's Hamlet at the Old Vic

To put it another way if there was a 'gallery' I would have been well and truly playing to it !!

At the end I asked if there were any questions, one learner thought for a while before asking me:-

" Can you read minds ? "

Time for tea ......

Carl Rogers and The CIA

2011-10-10T16:16:00.000+01:00

The CIA have no Idea I 'borrowed' this logo from their website..

One of the wonderful things about the internet is the ability to to find out things you would not know if you did not have it .......

For example Carl Rogers involvement with the CIA in 1958, detailing his work with the Society for the Investigation of Human Ecology - a front organisation for the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA)

This interesting piece by Stephen P. Demanchick and Howard Kirschenbaum, which contextualizes 'Rogers secret work ' in America during the 1950s, his academic ambitions and the mysterious 'Subproject 74'is available for download below :-

Carl Rogers and the CIA (PDF File) Download

Steve Jobs ......

2011-10-09T16:43:00.000+01:00

February 24, 1955 – October 5, 2011

Recently a learner asked me what 'self actualization was' ,'how could it be defined ?'. My stock answer because I have been asked this a lot through the years was to talk about Martin Luther King , Mother Teresa, Richard Branson, but somehow the examples I gave never in my mind caught the spirit of the term 'Fully functional ''self actualized'

I came across this video of the late Steve Jobs ,CEO of Apple , giving a graduation speech after reading about his death in the media. What stuck me was how 'his way of being' linked so closely to Rogers and Maslow's ideas, as this section from the above speech so concisely demonstrates.

"No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

The second paragraph could be a case study linked to Rogers Seven Stages of process, it certainly links with Organismic Valuing , Internal Locus of Evaluation, Organismic Self, Conditions of Worth and External Locus of Evaluation. etc etc.

It left me with a feeling of how well Rogers understood the Human condition and what can be achieved when an individual discards conditions of worth and introjected values, preferring instead to listen to their 'inner voice'

So the next time I am asked, about Maslow, Self Actualization and 'Fully Functioning' , I will point them to this speech, and a man that summed up Rogers description of 'The Person of Tomorrow'

~

When the door shuts......

2011-10-07T11:59:00.000+01:00

Make sure you can find your way out

A couple of years ago I received a phone call from a friend of mine I had trained with, I will call him 'Dave' although that is not his real name.

We had first met as students on the certificate group in 2001, as the year progressed we developed a friendship that lasted through the Diploma years and still remains as strong today.

Dave had decided early on that he wanted to work with young people, he found a placement at a children's charity in Manchester which he stayed with after qualifying.

The reason he phoned was because of an unnerving experience, while working with a client, he was listening intently , entering the persons 'perceptual.world'. working in their 'frame of 'reference' when in his words he heard "a door shut".

This was not a door in a physical sense , he went on to describe that so intense was the clients material , so closely was he experiencing their feelings that at the end of the session he could not return to his 'world' he was so engulfed by the clients material he was not able find the door into his own life.

Now this sometimes happens, clients share the narratives of their lives which are sometimes frightening , sad , angry or happy. after the session those feelings can still linger on within the counsellor, for me they usually dissipate after a short break and a cup of tea.

For Dave this did not happen, one , two hours later , the next day and the day after that, he was still in the clients frame of reference he was unable to reconnect with himself .his waking days and dreaming nights were filled with his clients story , he was slowly failing to function in his own life..

He decided on an early supervision, where his supervisor gently helped him reconnect with 'self', metaphorically taking him by the hand and leading him to the door of his own world where she waited as he walked through and closed the door.

We both reflected and agreed on the benefit of good quality regular supervision, and pondered on how after all this training, and practice experience this could have happened.

He concluded that that the counselling axiom of 'walking in someone else's shoes but leaving your socks on' was apt, he had tried too hard , given too much and as a consequence lost the 'as if' quality of his own reality .

Recently, while in practice, I was listening to a client who was sharing her rich inner life, this session was ( by her choice) a focus on her success and dreams of the future, it was emotionally intoxicating to enter a world with no horizon where every opportunity could be explored with fresh eyes and a sense of optimism that is sometimes only present in the young.

It was so enthralling that I did not want to leave.

You see the truth of the matter is at 53 years of age I have more yesterdays than tomorrows, the idea of living in a frame of reference that will outlive me by 40 years was enticing... beguiling.

The door was not shutting behind me . I was pulling it closed .....

Then I noticed my IKEA clock, I bought for £1 ,it sits on a shelf behind my client in the practice room , more to the point it sits in my frame of reference, my reality, my life.

As I looked at the time left to us, I became aware I was strolling back in to my frame of reference,when the therapeutic hour ended I stepped across the threshold of her world in to mine 'closing the door'., I 'rattled' the handle to make sure it was properly shut.!!

Dave Mearns and Brian Thorne two well established practitioners and author's of the book 'Person Centered Therapy in Action' make reference to the modality as a 'Hard Discipline'.

They conclude:-

" It is sometimes been suggested that of all the counselling disciplines the person-centered approach places the most rigorous demands upon it practitioners."

From further in to the chapter:-

"It will became evident that person-centered counselling is not the kind of activity to be undertaken by someone who rapidly tires of self exploration or wishes to avoid the pain of vulnerability "

Dave Mearns & Brian Thorne (2005). Person Centred Counselling in Action . 6th ed.
Trowbridge: Sage. 23.

Who am I to disagree !!

Footnote .
While writing this blog I have just had a phone call from 'Dave' who I had not spoken with for six months, we have just spent a lovely half hour revisiting the event , how synchronous !!

The omnipitent counsellor (1)

2011-09-29T11:15:00.000+01:00

Names have been changed to protect the innocent .....

The following interaction was with a colleague who had taken a telephone call for me and had written a message on a piece of paper which she had left on my desk

Jane:-

"There is a message on you desk, I have written down the details so you can you call them back ? "

Me:-

"Thank you, I will follow it up" ( looks at note)

Jane :-

"Are you analyzing my handwriting ?"

Me :-

"Er ...no , just checking the message"

Jane :-

" Are you sure ?"

Me :-

"Yes"

Jane:-

" Whats the term for analyzing handwriting ? "

Me:-

" Graphology"

Jane:-

"So you know what it means then?"

Me:-

"Yes"

Jane :-

"You seem to know a lot about it ,are you sure you are not analyzing me ?"

Me :-

"Yes ,er no... um, I don't analyze people"

Jane

"Ok , I bet you can though"

Jane leaves the room and I return the call ..

Click here for some recent research on Graphology

Amazon.co.uk Widgets

You Are Not Alone

2011-09-26T23:42:00.000+01:00

I was preparing a lesson tonight on ‘Congruence’ for my level 3 class, the theory tells us that that along with ‘Empathy’ and ‘Unconditional Positive Regard’, this ‘trinity’ of conditions which Carl Rogers described as the 'necessary and sufficient conditions for therapeutic change' colloquially referred to as the 'Core conditions'.

The theory tells us that if the counsellor displays these attitudes to her client, therapeutic change will take place.

But what if it doesn’t?

Recently during a case discussion with my Diploma group, one of the tutorial brought* a client who would not accept the core conditions, her self-esteem was so low she could not believe that anyone cared.

I was left with the impression that the student felt she had not been ‘enough’ for the client, that somehow she may have ‘failed’ her.

It lead me to a passage in the book ‘Person-Centred Counselling in action’ by Dave Mearns and Brian Thorne, entitled , ‘CAN THE CLIENT ACCEPT MY ACCEPTANCE’ , which discuss with great thought and no little insight how the counsellor can be drawn in to a self fulfilling prophesy where they believe that the client is beyond help.

Thus the client feels that they are justified in believing that they are unworthy and the counsellor feels de-skilled and hopeless (feelings of incompetence or FOI as it is known in the trade) .

Research indicates that the counsellors feelings of ‘warmth’ toward clients are not enough, it has to be communicated, clients have to hear and accept the counsellors ‘feelings’ toward them.

Which brings us back to .congruence. , being authentic .which is why I offer this song to you , sung by Mavis Staples , it conveys the simple message from one human being to another, saying quite simply "You are not alone......I empathize... we will walk together" ,which is the ethos of Person Centered Therapy.

* ‘bringing clients’ refers to the practice of trainee counsellors discussing client work in a facilitated confidential environment, clients are not identified by name’

Medicine for the soul. ......

2011-09-23T14:58:00.000+01:00


Books.. 'They're full of quotes'.

"Until I feared I would lose it, I never loved to read. One does not love breathing".

Harper Lee

Even as child I appreciated the power of books, 'Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn' 'Man in the Moon' and Laurie Lee's classic 'Cider with Rose' set the foundations of my personal and political view on life that still resonate with me today.

I can still remember being asked in class by 'Mr Delochery. my history teacher ( I would have be around fourteen at the time) why I was reading Alexander Solzhenitsyn's book 'August 1914' instead of some dog eared text on the 'Tudors' which was informing my history exam.

The answer in that fourteen year-olds mind was simple, tales of heroic struggles against evil oppressors was a damn sight more interesting than long deceased royals..

I failed my history exam ... I failed my history CSE....

However the existential struggles of the characters portrayed in Solzhenitsyn's work have stayed with me through the years, the awareness gained from further reading and experience of life filters in to my client and tutoring work, providing a 'soundtrack' which informs my thoughts , feelings and actions .

Being able to read and having access to books is something I am thankful for everyday, that and joys of visiting second hand bookshops where for a few pence you pick up counseling books for a fraction of the cost in the high street ( although you may have to visit often before finding anything which tickles your fancy )

One such place is Emmaus in my home town of Mossley, a charitable organisation which in it's own words offer "home and work to previously homeless and unemployed people", occasionally I will browse the second hand books, have a cup of tea ( essential) and talk with the 'companions' a self reference to those individuals who live and work at the charity.

To end this blog I am putting a link to a recent review of books which appears on the youtube channel I host called 'Counseling Resource'

Happy reading....

D.N.A

2011-09-20T10:28:00.001+01:00

Short for 'did not attend',now dear reader please do not misunderstand me, clients have the right not to attend sessions.
No one can be forced to have therapy,sometimes clients need space,or perhaps life gets in the way.
Which is why I am philosophical,about getting up at 6.30am driving 35 miles to find myself writing a blog instead of being a therapist.
On a positive note I have a large cup of tea and a paper to read before my next client.
Patience and a philosophical attitude are something one develops in counsellor training....now where is that crossword?..more tea? Yes please.....

Clare Slaney Counselling: WHAT IS PSYCHOTHERAPY?

2011-09-19T19:15:00.000+01:00

Clare Slaney Counselling: WHAT IS PSYCHOTHERAPY?: Psychotherapy is a way of addressing distress without the use of medication. This is long term work focusing on all that you are rather than...

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

2011-09-17T20:57:00.000+01:00

~By Portia Nelson ~

Chapter 1

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost ... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter 2

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter 3

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in ... it's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter 4

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter 5

I walk down another street.

One of the themes that often emerge when working with clients, is how their lives can repeat, bad relationships , broken hearts, and lack of direction can in in some cases be the 'soundtrack, to their lives.

Therapy can give the 'space' for a change in direction, a safe place to explore which street to walk along, what holes they need to avoid.

I was introduced to this poem as a student, it helped me realise then as I do now that we have choices, sometimes in the process of making them we need a bit of help , another 'soul' to share our world with as we move our lives on, that's why hearing clients narratives is such a privilege..

Self Care

2011-09-16T12:02:00.001+01:00

It's been a busy week, so I have decided to exercise a little 'self care',burnout can be a very real issue for those of us who work in the helping professions.

Being both a therapist and a tutor of counselling students means that my working week can see me engaging with a variety of emotions, without a sense of self care I could end up burning myself out, which then impact on my clients and learners.

Supervision helps (it is also an ethical imperative) equally building time for'self ' where we can access and nurture our own spiritual hinterland is essential.

Which is why I am sat in a lovely country cafe having a healthy meal before going for a country walk ,on my own on the hills near my home town.

Am I being selfish....Yes
Am I being self indulgent...Absolutely
Am I worth it... Definitely!!!

Healthy body , Healthy Mind

Another day in practice

2011-09-14T10:46:00.001+01:00

A quick practice meeting, then clients before going to college .

Feelings of incompetence

2011-09-09T11:38:00.000+01:00

Known in the trade as ‘F.O.I’, it is the feeling that as a practitioners we have not been empathic enough , non Judgmental enough, lacked in congruence, said the wrong thing worn the wrong clothes ( sometimes students feed this back ) or generally not been very ‘good ’or 'competent'

Most students experience this at some time or another during training.

Recently I had to beak confidentiality with a client, I believed that the ‘harm to self done by others’ part of the contact was in imminent danger of being breached.

Now let me be clear, I had no problem with my actions, they were ethical, based on sound practice management and experience, more to the point my client was in danger.

Add to this my client ‘brought’ the issue as a live and immediate topic, the thrust of the session material was how ‘the client ‘was going to protect themselves and gain external support.

Breaking confidentiality was by consensual agreement, re contracted by both myself and the client to share relevant information, so no problem, all in the days work of an experienced practitioner who lectures the subject at practice level .

Right ? ..... Wrong !

Around a week later as I approached my supervision appointment , I got a bad case of the FOI, now let me be clear it did not permeate my waking thoughts or sleeping dreams, it manifested itself as I was preparing my client notes . It started with should I have, what if , perhaps I should, maybe, and ended up with me having to give myself a ‘bit of a talking to’ .

In supervision I reaffirmed that perhaps a little FOI was not a bad thing, reflective practice asks us justify our actions and make us accountable for our practice.

Without a sense of reflection we are in danger of not giving the right service to our clients.

And that is not a ‘feeling of incompetence’ that it is incompetence!!

In terms of breaking confidentiality , I used an ethical problem solving model to guide my actions , it is explained in this video:-

Power........

2011-09-08T23:19:00.000+01:00

One of the topics that always arise in counseling training is 'power', mostly followed by the term 'abuse of'.

As counsellors it is easy to convince ourselves that power is always negative, however today I blatantly exercised my power for what I believe was a just and right cause.

What I did was.....

'Ah' 'Confidentiality' now there is another word , a real party pooper when it comes to blog writing

Foiled again !!!!!

‘It’s late September and I really should be back at school ...’

2011-08-31T22:05:00.000+01:00

Rod Stewart’s evocative lyrics from the song Maggie May always remind me that at some point that the summer hollidays will be over and we have to return to work or in my case college.

As a student counsellor studying at Tameside College between 2000-2004, I always marveled at how the tutors flawlessly started the new term fully prepared and rearing to go.

Seemed to me that being a college lecturer was ‘easy street’........ oh the naivety!!!

I am surrounded by lesson plans, schemes of work, the college Virtual Learning Environment needs to be updated, paperwork, (lots of that in education ) course handbooks, pinging email and a ringing phone , oh, and the occasional meeting.

However it is about this time of year, I get slightly ‘giddy’, I experience that Christmas Eve feeling you get as a child knowing you only have one more ‘sleep’ before the big day .

I wonder what the year will bring for my learners?, What we will learn together? , Who will my learners be?

Only seven more sleeps to go ................

Counselling book reviews

2011-08-30T20:26:00.000+01:00

In this video I review some of my favourite counseling books.

Welcome to my blog,....

2011-08-30T20:21:00.000+01:00

Hello,

To be honest I am not sure what one should say when opening up a new blog. so I will just say hello and welcome :)